I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
