I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
