literally had 100 drinks last night.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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