the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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