In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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