wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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