He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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