pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
