I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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