just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
