seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize