i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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