i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
