it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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