the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
