I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
