Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
