I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize