Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
