Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
