we have pet lesbian snakes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so much tequila, so little girl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
