Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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