this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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