You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
