Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
