I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize