Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
