just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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