May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
