Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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