i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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