can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
