thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
