you guys were way drunker than both of me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
