omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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