sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
