his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
