My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize