I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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