No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
