I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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