just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
