Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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