he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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