I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
third nipple confirmed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
