Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
