So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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