there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
