It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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