I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
