Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
