As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
