just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
