why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
