i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
