thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
