if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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