There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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