I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
