tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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