I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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