he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
