I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize