It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
