What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize