Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
